Over the last 15 years as a massage therapist, I’ve noticed clients tend to fall into two camps:
“Beat me up! You can’t hurt me.”
“Just very light and relaxing. Please don’t hurt me.”
Let’s talk about the first group. There’s a common misconception that “no pain, no gain” applies to massage. I’ve had countless clients tell me, “You can’t hurt me.” The truth is, I absolutely could—but I don’t want to.
Sure, I could lean in with an elbow and spend the rest of the session peeling you off the ceiling, but I’d much rather warm up the tissue and let your muscles invite me in. Think of it like making cookies: when the recipe says to soften the butter before mixing, skipping that step can break your mixer. Similarly, skipping the essential steps in massage and going straight for the “deep work” only sets you back. If you’re trying to “grin and bear it,” you’re not doing your body any favors.
Relaxing massage often gets a bad rap. I’ve heard people say, “I want to feel something! Don’t give me that fluff and buff.” But the truth is, there’s a lot of gray area on the spectrum between “fluff and buff” and “cringe and cry.” My approach is all about finding that balance—work that’s effective without being painful.
I get it—there’s nothing worse than a massage that doesn’t meet your expectations. I’ve been that client with deep pain in my shoulder, only to leave with some oil smeared on my back, still in pain, and $150 poorer. That feeling sucks. But the alternative isn’t asking the next therapist to take an icepick to your traps!
On the flip side, I’ve also had massages where I asked for deep tissue to tackle chronic tension, only to feel like the therapist was smashing a folding chair over my head WWE-style. It’s no wonder some clients ask for light pressure just to avoid being immobilized afterward!
The truth is, working aggressively on a muscle doesn’t yield long-term results. Often, you end up bruised, tender, and inflamed for days. Any relief you feel is usually from the healing process of that bruising—not from addressing the root cause of your tension. If you came in at a “5” on the discomfort scale, left at a “10,” and weeks later you’re back to a “5,” was the treatment really effective?
Conversely, if you ask for a light, relaxing Swedish massage but avoid addressing the knots in your shoulders, the immediate relief might not last. You might feel good after lying on a warm table for an hour, but by the time you’re back in the car, the tension grabs the back of your neck again.
That’s why I focus on slow, gentle, and intentional work that gradually increases pressure. This approach allows your body to relax deeply and effectively without the pain often associated with deep tissue massage. When you allow your therapist to work with your body, rather than against it, the results are longer-lasting and more profound than you might expect.
When I work with clients, I always aim to educate them about whether their requests align with their ultimate goals. It’s important to have open communication about what will best serve your body’s needs.
If you haven’t found a therapist whose approach works for you, don’t give up. There are many therapists out there who work intentionally, tailoring their techniques to meet your needs without causing discomfort. When you find that balance, it’s a game-changer.
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